Friends Against (the) Quotidian

Every website has one. Almost every website needs one. FAQs are an artform and industry unto themselves. The Matador Lounge would be remiss if we didn't provide one, too. So, dear friends, dig in and enjoy the extra beefy goodness of the Matador Lounge's Frequently Asked Questions!

• Is this for real?

  Well, yes. I mean, the site really exists and several people are actually doing stuff here. It's not a parody. It's not an art school project or an effort to be hipper than thou. The designs are real and hopefully compelling (or at least saleable). You can really buy the products in the store. The spiels are real and each Matador is a separate person who has something to say. We may say things in buffoonish or challenging ways, but we're not trying to trick you or anything like that. Well, most of us aren't.

• What's with this St. Basil thing?

  St. Basil is a fictional saint devised by EMP for use in a series of clever and entertaining pictures that are available for sale through the store associated with this website. St. Basil is not "real" and folks who care about saints shouldn't pray to him. Those same folks should also try not to get too worked up over the creation of a fictional saint. It was all done in good fun and the message of St. Basil, "be good to animals and your fellow man, be smart and do the right thing" isn't all that far away from standard Christian beliefs. Actually, the message of St. Basil isn't all that far away from the standard beliefs of Judaism, Islam or most other religions either. So that pretty much makes St. Basil a fictional saint for everyone.

• How can I respond to a spiel?

  There's a link after each Spiel to the Forums, you can post your responses and thoughts there. That's what it's for. You can also discuss non-spiel-related stuff in the Forums, too.

• How can I get in touch with a specific Matador?

  That's perilously close to stalking, don't you think? But seriously, each matador can be reach via their matadorlounge.com email address. emp, patita, c9 and bbbob @. You can also use contact @ for general inquiries, complaints and the like.

• I don't get it

  This is not really a question, but we'll handle it anyway. See, the thing is, in this case, it doesn't get you. The Matador Lounge fails to comprehend you, amigo. Don't feel bad, though. The Matador Lounge is notoriously slow on the uptake. Also, don't let it go to your head and turn you into some kind of "I'm so avant-garde, no one understands my tortured soul" artiste type. No one likes those people. Least of all other people like that.

• I still don't get it

  Again, this isn't a question, but still... There's not much we can do to help you at this point. You're probably the kind of person who prefers Leno to Letterman. You probably need to get out more, and read more books. See more films. Expand your horizons and all that. Or at least stop being so serious. Lighten up. Relax. The site can be funny and functional at the same time. And if you don't get the humor, there really is nothing we can do to help. Except... well, you could buy a bunch of stuff from the store and stare at it for a long time and it might wind up clicking for you. Or you might just snap and go on a five state killing spree.

  Sorry, we did it again. We made statements that you're probably not "getting" and now you're more unhappy than ever. Here, you should visit this site instead. It will calm you and help you forget this place and the scary mean people who are here.

• Are you being hostile on purpose?

  Everywhere else in the site, no. But here and now, yes.